Nothing Beats A Little Fisting In The Evening

It feels like only a year ago since I last carved a couple of pumpkins. Oh how time flies when you work, shit, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. But yeah, it’s that time of the year again. That unmistakable time when shops are eagerly replacing their Halloween decorations with Christmas decorations the second Halloween is over.

In our home, things are a bit different. We tend to leave our Halloween decorations out until late December and only replace them with Christmas decorations because we have to, otherwise we would be forced to hang pumpkins in the Christmas tree.

Not that we mind Christmas — I’m personally quite fond of it — but we just leave our decorations out longer than is customary.

Looking back at last years pumpkin carving I suppose it’s only fitting that I up the stakes this year by carving not one, not two, but THREE pumpkins. And to save myself from spending most of the night doing all this ridiculous carving I also found myself some tools more appropriate for the occasion. Don’t worry — I haven’t started taking this carving thing too seriously — I only paid £1 for them and quite frankly, the plastic was so flimsy that I’m surprised they lasted through the carving of two of my three pumpkins.

Yes, only two out of three. Last year I mentioned having very few tools at my disposal, essentially choosing between a fruit knife or my fists for the carving. Inspired by that little side comment beije suggested that I should carve a pumpkin using only my fists, a screwdriver and a hammer. So, this year, I did just that.

Lesson 1: Stab ‘em in the eye.

Lesson 2: Rip their brains out.

Wait what? This isn’t the “How to kill zombies” -guide?

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