Wow, it’s been — soon anyway — 10 years since the first Fable game was released. Remember? The one they actually released for PC as well. Not that I’m holding a grudge or anything. No really. I mostly played it on the original Xbox but I’ve heard rumours that they’re making the re-mastered edition an Xbox One Exclusive.
I remember the original Fable game fondly and in honour of Lionhead Studios impending release of the re-mastered Fable: The Lost Chapters, titled Fable Anniversary I though I would play the original, except on PC this time. Steam’s — by now infamous — Summer Sale is on and you can get Fable: The Lost Chapters for a measly £3.49.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Sunday, 21 July 2013
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
Friday, 3 May 2013
Let The Barbecue Season Begin
In my defence, the weather was awesome. I had to go and buy a disposable barbecue and make tonight’s dinner on it. I just couldn't resist any more. But nobody wants to read about what I ate. Unless I ate something like the endangered Tonkin Snub-nosed Monkey in which case I suppose that would actually be interesting. But eating endangered animals aside, nobody wants to read about what I ate so I figured I have to make it interesting.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is; “Here's what I ate… in radio broadcasting form”. Now I would appreciate it if you would honour my Youtube links and listen to them when they appear in the text, okay? Excellent, here we go.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is; “Here's what I ate… in radio broadcasting form”. Now I would appreciate it if you would honour my Youtube links and listen to them when they appear in the text, okay? Excellent, here we go.
Tuesday, 30 April 2013
Illiterate Pirates
Hilarious video? Yes. Blatantly posting it just to get another post squeezed in before April ends? Maybe…
Saturday, 6 April 2013
The Worst Assassin In The World
Hitman: Absolution was
on sale — on Steam — for £4.99 so I couldn't resist getting the
latest instalment in the long running franchise that is the Hitman
series. What follows is the recollection of a tale of failure and ineptitude because as it turned out, I am a pretty terrible assassin.
Saturday, 30 April 2011
Dear Xbox (a Love? Letter)
Dear Xbox (360 and Live)
I'm sorry I haven't been around in a while. I can imagine you probably feel a bit neglected but I sincerely hope you still read this letter and not just throw in a metaphorical fire-place or some more appropriate metaphor considering you're not really real, you're a service. Oh, I'm sorry again. That came out wrong. I meant the service thing in a good way, not like in a prostitute way. Even though I kind of have to pay to have fun with you.
Your fake smile and vacant expression actually warms my heart. Just a little bit.
At least I can pay on a trimonthly basis and you do let me have fun with you whenever I feel like it. And then when I'm done I can just sort of abandon you. Actually come to think of it, you are very much like a prostitute... but a really good one, that I totally really like.
Even though I haven't played with you in quite a while. Yeah sure, I sometimes get drunk with my friends and then we play with you for hours in one night, but then the next morning I forget about you... again. So what I'm trying to say dear Xbox (360 and Live) is that I'm sorry. I've thought about the words to say to you a lot, and all I could think of was "I'm sorry". And it's not even especially sincere. It's not like I'm going to change for you. You have your fun sides and all but you're just too high maintenance and I really don't care that much about you any more. Oh, that came out wrong again.
What I meant to say is that.. umm.. well.. You've let yourself go damn it, you used to be all shiny and new and with such promise. And then you just let it all go. Well to be fair, you did hold your part on some of your promises, but not the ones that mattered. At least not to me. Yeah sure, you were the one who suggested toys to spice things up. But really, what were you thinking? I've seen what other people do with the same toys, and to be honest with you Xbox. It looks like they're having wa'aaaay more fun with it. Other people are doing things with their toys that I imagine you never would, you would just give me that look of disgust and make a smug comment about how "you would never do that, no matter how much I begged". Even though I still pay for you on a trimonthly basis.
I could say that it's not your fault. But I would be lying. It's totally your fault, you have no one else to blame but yourself. And no, you don't look good in your new hair colour. You just don't. There, I've said it.
I never really liked your "awards" for doing weird things to you anyway.
No Xbox, don't cry.. You'll find someone else, someone that appreciates you in the way you should be appreciated. Someone who's maybe too young and stupid to realise that you're mostly a bit of a cock tease. Someone who thinks it's totally okay to take more than you give in a relationship. Someone who doesn't mind that there's a little poo-poo in your private lady garden. I used to be that someone, but I'm sad to say Xbox, that I'm not any more.
Sure, let's be honest. There will be lonely nights when I might still play with you. When I have nothing else to do and then you'll be there, beckoning me with sweet memories of a times that used to be. And I'll cave in and play with you for a couple of hours. But we both know I'll feel really dirty afterwards and probably take a shower or two to get your stench of me. And then we won't speak of it ever again, until it happens again. I'm cool with that, if you are?
Sshhh, don't talk. You'll ruin it. Just go with it even if it feels weird.
I'm sorry I haven't been around in a while. I can imagine you probably feel a bit neglected but I sincerely hope you still read this letter and not just throw in a metaphorical fire-place or some more appropriate metaphor considering you're not really real, you're a service. Oh, I'm sorry again. That came out wrong. I meant the service thing in a good way, not like in a prostitute way. Even though I kind of have to pay to have fun with you.
Your fake smile and vacant expression actually warms my heart. Just a little bit.
At least I can pay on a trimonthly basis and you do let me have fun with you whenever I feel like it. And then when I'm done I can just sort of abandon you. Actually come to think of it, you are very much like a prostitute... but a really good one, that I totally really like.
Even though I haven't played with you in quite a while. Yeah sure, I sometimes get drunk with my friends and then we play with you for hours in one night, but then the next morning I forget about you... again. So what I'm trying to say dear Xbox (360 and Live) is that I'm sorry. I've thought about the words to say to you a lot, and all I could think of was "I'm sorry". And it's not even especially sincere. It's not like I'm going to change for you. You have your fun sides and all but you're just too high maintenance and I really don't care that much about you any more. Oh, that came out wrong again.
What I meant to say is that.. umm.. well.. You've let yourself go damn it, you used to be all shiny and new and with such promise. And then you just let it all go. Well to be fair, you did hold your part on some of your promises, but not the ones that mattered. At least not to me. Yeah sure, you were the one who suggested toys to spice things up. But really, what were you thinking? I've seen what other people do with the same toys, and to be honest with you Xbox. It looks like they're having wa'aaaay more fun with it. Other people are doing things with their toys that I imagine you never would, you would just give me that look of disgust and make a smug comment about how "you would never do that, no matter how much I begged". Even though I still pay for you on a trimonthly basis.
I could say that it's not your fault. But I would be lying. It's totally your fault, you have no one else to blame but yourself. And no, you don't look good in your new hair colour. You just don't. There, I've said it.
I never really liked your "awards" for doing weird things to you anyway.
No Xbox, don't cry.. You'll find someone else, someone that appreciates you in the way you should be appreciated. Someone who's maybe too young and stupid to realise that you're mostly a bit of a cock tease. Someone who thinks it's totally okay to take more than you give in a relationship. Someone who doesn't mind that there's a little poo-poo in your private lady garden. I used to be that someone, but I'm sad to say Xbox, that I'm not any more.
Sure, let's be honest. There will be lonely nights when I might still play with you. When I have nothing else to do and then you'll be there, beckoning me with sweet memories of a times that used to be. And I'll cave in and play with you for a couple of hours. But we both know I'll feel really dirty afterwards and probably take a shower or two to get your stench of me. And then we won't speak of it ever again, until it happens again. I'm cool with that, if you are?
Sshhh, don't talk. You'll ruin it. Just go with it even if it feels weird.
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