A Good Week

What's a good week like? Enjoying my morning coffee I've left wondering, like Sarah Jessica Parker, what constitutes a good week? But before the moment sieges me I realize that of the three people that follow my blog, only one likes it when I philosophize. Or two, the verdict is still out if it's one or two. So here I am struggling to please everyone, oh poor me, life's so tough, blah blah.
Nah, fuck it.

Yeah, vacation Thursday. Which means.. sing it with me.. abso-fuckin-lutly nathin' *end on high-pitch*. Yupp, today doesn't really have any significance. Except that it's Thursday.

Tomorrow I'm planning on being drunk from the morning. It's been a part of my plan since my vacation started to be a drunk filthy pig, 'cos who are we kidding, that is what I would be. Finnish people drinking is the bar-equivalent of the ugly-standing-too-creepily-close-breathing-in-your-face friend. You know the one who isn't going to get any even if everyone else is and there's still a few to spare. Anyways... where was I? I forgot. It probably wasn't important.

I'm getting a Elizabethan outfit. Think running around looking like Shakespeare or something similar. I'm actually not quite sure if that's what I'm going to look like. Because obviously I'm not going to be the one making it. My wonderful ex-wife-to-be...

...Yeah you saw it. But no I mean just wife-to-be.. no ex.. I just wanted to check if I have your attention.

Check this out, might be old news to some of you.. it is to me, but I felt it was worth talking about again. Because it's awesome! Everything's freakin' awesome!
[Dr. Horrible]

The 10 Second Interview

My name is...
Carlos

A more appropriate first name for me would be...
Carlos (but say it like you wanna bone me)

What kind of parent would you be?
A slightly fascistic one.. hihi..

What did your mom write on your lunch bag?
Eat it before it runs away

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A Chef

I wish I were a character in...
since the cake is lie I'll settle for π

If I were a Disney character, I'd be...
The dude who bones Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame

If I were a guest on "Jerry Springer," the topic would be...
The burden of being awesome!

What do you wish you had never done?
...

When they write my obituary, I hope they mention...
that I still look better than most in a suit.

Blonde, Brunette, or Redhead?
Yes, yes and yes. In no particular order.

The best music comes from...
100 years ago

What's your favorite type of cuisine?
The tasty kind. I kinda like French food I think.

What would your super hero name be?
Mr. Enormous Penis, at least I would insist that everyone called me that.

I want my last meal to be...
Tortillas

If I had to jump from the top of a building, I'd prefer to land in...
On a really really fat person.

What question would you ask God?
Assuming God is real for the sake of a question, I would probably ask him "They're getting wrong aren't they?"

I believe in...
Myself.

What was your worst fashion mistake?
White pants with a white T-Shirt.

I wouldn't mind being stuck in a closet with...
Someone slutty and frisky

What's the biggest difference between you and your parents?
I'm an improved version.

What's the dumbest excuse you've used to break up with someone?
"You're too nice for me..."

What are the strangest two foods you've combined together?
Beer with anything else.

What would you do if you could be invisible?
File a complaint to Superpowers'R'U

I wish I had a miniature...
world where I could play God.

What's your favorite charity?
Whichever one bugs me the least.

Bury me with my...
Cigarettes and a bottle of well-chilled coke.

For my first wish, I wish...
To never have to worry about having enough money.

What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?
Makes creepy necklaces to sell to the Rich.

Boys go to Jupiter to get more...
X's in their Interplanetary Bingo Game

Girls go to Mars to get more...
Tanned.

If I'm reincarnated, I'd like to be a...
Dildo

For the talent portion of the competition, I will...
Sing songs I've written and composed.

Why do people watch reality shows?
Because they're stupid and easily entertained.

When the aliens arrive, I hope they bring...
Back all the hillbillies and mentally challenged people they abducted all those years ago.

The last time you cleaned your room, how many hours did it take?
My corner of the living room is never clean.

I like to put ketchup on...
Hmm.. I don't really like ketchup that much.

I'm looking forward to...
the day when my board game Island of Eternity hits one million sales.

If there's another book, it should be called "Harry Potter and The ..."
One Where They Actually Have Sex, a Lot.

I like my men/women how I like my...
...nipples. Pointy and Hard

What's the best compliment you've ever received?
That I am really fucking annoying.

What advice would you give your younger self?
Take no crap from anyone

I knew I was an adult when...
People expected me to behave like one

If you discovered a planet, what would you call it?
My Left Testicle

What was (or will be) your wedding song?
You Grew On Me by Tim Minchin & Moon River by Henry Mancini

Who would you want to be with on a desert island?
FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2010

What is/was your imaginary friend's name?
Eric

God is...
a fictional character created by and for people who desperately need to believe in something greater than themselves.

I believed in Santa Claus until I was...
I sounded eerily like my uncle/tried to steal the presents for himself.

What would your olympic event be?
Burning

What was your first live concert?
Me and my siblings trying to be a band

If you were a ghost, who would you haunt?
Peter, Raymond and Egon. I would fuck their shit up.

I like to put mayo on...
Just about anything.

I collect...
farts in glass jars and name them according to people in the Bible.

I feel most powerful when...
I've had too much Mad Croc and coffee

Ah! To be young and...
not allowed to vote.

Why did Jack and Jill really go up the hill?
Because Jack told Jill that he totally loved her and she believed him.

If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be, and why?
Cucumber.. You know why..

Though I try to hide it, I'm actually...
A woman.

How many days past expiration are you willing to drink milk?
3-7 days depending on the smell.

If I lived in the year 1800, my profession would be...
Whipping Boy

I'd describe my sense of humor as...
Awesome yet unappreciated.

I think Global Warming is...
not getting here fast enough.

The best ride at Disneyland is...
the Spinning Puke-of-Yer-Life Ride.

My biggest regret is...
Not punching people in the face more often.

A single joke

What is the difference between jam and peanut butter?
You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's ass.



Yupp that's it. A single joke, that's all. Enjoy!

The previously mentioned joke is stolen from the TV show "How I Met Your Mother". I take no responsibility for anyone offended by this joke nor do I claim to find the joke funny in any way.

Kidding, I like it. Haha.

Zero Clues & Cheesy Memes

Zero Clues, a.k.a. I don't know what to blog about.
But a dear friend of mine, who's name I will not disclose for no apparent reason, asked me to write more personally. He also said I should write less about philosophy and shit (metaphorical shit, mind you). So here goes I suppose, I'm not actually quite sure what he meant but that's okay. I'm sure he'll complain about this one anyway.

Vacation-time! Starting Monday officially, but as of tomorrow I will be enjoying some well earned vacation-time. I say well earned like I've been extra special or something. In reality I use the term "well earned" loosely, meaning "this is my first real, real job so this is my first vacation having worked before it". Vacation ramblings, check.

Also someone, buy me this 'effin mug!!! (clicky clicky yes, worthy of three exclamation mark)

FYI, I'm still waiting for my HTC Desire. It's been over 4 weeks now, it should have taken 3-4 weeks. But alas, they don't have any of the phones and people who ordered before are still waiting as well. Though it pisses me off rightfully so that because of their fuck-up I have to wait longer. My order got shifted a week longer because apparently some people can not have a database system that understands Swedish. They compensated me a little for it, but still. Whining about a lack of phone, check.

I'm secretly preparing for a pick-nick tomorrow. Well, secretly and secretly is kind of a lie. I already told my wife-to-be that she shouldn't make any plans and that we're going on a pick-nick. But why Carlos did you tell her, I hear you ask?! (in my mind.. I hear things in my mind) But nah, I told her because she rarely actually likes surprises unless they're really awesome (which mine usually are) and if she has no idea that they're happening. But that's okay, she also has the memory of goldfish, so it will still be "kind of" a surprise. I hope she'll like my dessert [insert penis-joke here]. No, actually I'm making strawberries with mango glazed in dark chocolate and vanilla dip. So yeah, I hope she wants to dip it in my vanilla sauce... see? that wasn't so difficult. Penis-joke and sharing future event, check!

Right now, this movie is playing on my tv. Don't worry, I'm not watching it, not that I probably couldn't... wait, what?.. Scratch that, I've tried watching these kinds of movies before. I even tried watching Tipping the Velvet once... oh my god.. the.. worst.. 25 minutes.. of my life. That's how much I could stand. It's 177 minutes long. I just don't find them interesting or interesting.. or, well.. you get it.

Now I feel like going for a smoke. So.. Fuck off...

Storm Movie, based on beat poem by Tim Minchin

Yeah, I'm basically just advertising this. But I'm really looking forward to see how it turns out. Damn it, I wish I could attend the premier at London Hilton Metropole, but alas there's no way I could afford going to London twice the same year. Oh well. Anyway, back to advertising it.

I accidently discovered Tim not very long ago. It was love at first song as some might say (yeah, okay so I'm the only one who's said it). His timing and fourth-wall-y expressions mid song are just pure brilliance.
Favorite song, "You grew on me". The growth of that song from medically clever and funny word-puns to a love song that just struck a chord (several, haha) and always gives me goose bumps at 3.44+. It probably means more to me because of my wife to be's conditions, which gives this song extra depth, intentional or not, I don't know. But it's the only song I've ever experienced that makes laugh and teary-eyed, in the same song. This is quite astonishing.

Tim Minchin is just hilarious.. but also like.. really deep.

Now for the trailer for an animated short based on Tim's 9 minute beat poem. Never actually having heard of DC Turner (that rings any bells atleast) I must say I like his style. Clean and simple artwork, with nice textures, kinda reminds me of some certain posters a certain someone made some time ago.. (Me). The movie looks very promising. I think the animation will fit the vocal style of Tim very good. Let's just hope the get the facial expressions spot on as well. Here's hoping for the best, and also that they'll sell some posters, because..
drag out "I" in the key of F♯ and sing the entire line..
..I want a poster...

That was probably only funny to some people.

Clicky clicky for trailer-y goodness.

Also link to the site.. just incase you get really into it. Storm Movie

OMG, I'm Rich!

Thanks to my son I will never have to worry about money again! Apparently the little bastard can shit (pee) money, imagine my surprise when I go to the bathroom to found 20 cents... OMG, Twenty Cents! in his potty.

Just imagine all the things I could buy now like; food, toilet paper... cigarettes, coke.. world peace.. no wait. Never mind the world peace, that's not really my problem. Or well, I suppose one could, if one reeeee'ally wanted to, one could argue that it's as much my problem as anyone else's. But you know what, fuck those people. Oh just imagine all the things I could buy.

Oh, if only it was true. Sadly, it fell in for some reason whilst we were training to use the bathroom and my lovely wife-to-be thought it was too gross to pick it up.

Feeling the desire

..hmm.. that title is probably a bit misleading, intentionally of course.. :) Anyways, the actual story is not as arousing. Ordered a HTC Desire earlier this week... So now I am eagerly waiting for my new phone, which still might take 3-4 weeks to arrive but that's okay, I can wait. I'm also taking the step into adulthood and will be switching to a "real" phone service vendor called Saunalahti, which means I will be getting bills once a months. This might not really seem like a big deal but for years now I relied solely on a so-called prepaid vendor, which is really way more expensive but with the benefits of only paying when I feel like it and having a number that is totally off the grid. Practically I was entirely off the grid, but that's because I chose it not because I couldn't. But as soon as I get my new SIM card I will officially be more of an adult. But not really.

Don't worry dear readers though as I will be making sure you get my new number once I have it, well... not all of you obviously but the ones whom I consider as friends. All three of you definitely though.

"I desire my desire", and yes you can quote me on that. Just like I will be quoting Stein on "Some people have crabs, I have piranhas" when playing Island of Eternity.

Also here's a picture of the HTC Desire, because you're too lazy to google it anyway.

"Some people have crabs, I have piranhas". There, now I quoted you. Muahahaha.


Stay tuned for updates on previous posts.

.........

And we're back...


I ♥ Herbs
Of all the things I planted, some started growing. As you saw. Then most of the fuckers got moldy and died. I tried re-planting some in better growing conditions, then I went an got wasted in Tampere and forgot to water all of them. They died too. So as of right now the only things still alive are Basil the I, Thyme the II and random gross-looking Garlic that I planted a week ago that's growing nicely.

A Trip Down Nostalgia Avenue
I still haven't finished the the Command & Conquer game I started, the ass-molestation I got last time left a sore feeling in my behind (nice metaphor isn't it) so I really have no desire (haha) to play it anytime soon. But that's okay I might still and then I'll be sure to post an update or something.

Beije
I want you to check out my I ♥ Herbs post at peppar blog, because I fails to display the right symbol and I suspect it could be resolved with UTF-8 encoding which I suspect you don't have, but I could also be wrong, which is why two rows up I used html shorthand syntax instead. Also, wasn't the link pretty funny in a sort of dry "ha-h..." -way.


May the spooning be with you!