I Really Want To Be A Dirty Pirate

As you might remember, I wasn’t very impressed with Feet-tickler’s Assassin’s Creed III. The ham fisted exposition and severe lack of actual assassinations — too few and far apart — made me feel like I was playing something… less assassin-y than the title would suggest. Which is like if Farming Simulator 2013 was a game about watching crop grow and nothing else.


So obviously I’ve been suspicious — to say the least — about the upcoming Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag. I am hesitant because I don’t want to like it. I want to be annoyed that even though Desmond is now dead — or something, fuck it if I know — we’re still stuck with him — sort of — because his fucking consciousness is in “the cloud”. Yeah, I’m seriously not making this shit up. Ubisoft, I really want to be angry and punch you in your stupid metaphorical face.

But.

Pirates.

Glorious, cutlass and flintlock wielding, scurvy ridden pirates.

Damn you, Ubisoft, you have found my weakness. I can’t resist a good pirate game, [deity] knows there’s so few of them. Especially when you treat me to a 13 minute gameplay video that looks like this much fun.

All of this is obviously not helped by my gaming list looking like this now. Soon I’ll have to start looking for other games to play.

• Alice: Madness Returns
• Assassin’s Creed III, in “Playing Feet-Tickler’s Creed III”
• Bioshock: Infinite, In Progress
• Deux Ex: Human Revolution
• Dishonored, in “Corvo’s Journal Of Awesomeness”
• Fallout: New Vegas
• Far Cry 3
• Halo 4
• Hitman: Absolution, in “The Worst Assassin In The World”
• LIMBO, in “The Afterlife Is A Harsh Mistress”
• Portal 2

Maybe a game like this.

Yes. Definitely a game like this. It’s worth repeating; “Holy Hard Bat-Boners!”