Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Cupcakes, Crysis 2 and Caressable Contraptions

A few days later than usual but nonetheless as delicious as it always is.

No. You’re not mistaken, today is most definitely not Sunday. But there’s a “good” reason for the obvious delay. See I got myself a Nexus 7 tablet and I was too busy playing around with that to write anything. Well that, and the fact that I — sort of — promised to do a small review — nothing fancy — about it and I thought I should at least have it for more than a day and a half before I pass my judgement.

Yes, despite the fact that that hasn’t stopped from being opinionated before. Call it personal growth or something.

But more about the tablet a little later. First up, cupcakes.

Yes, I know you might be thinking “You’re fucking kidding me, right? Fucking cupcakes!? I didn’t visit your stupid fucking blog to read about some stupid fucking cupcakes!” — In my mind you swear a lot — but hear me out for these are no ordinary cupcakes. And “No”, there’s no drugs in them. They’re not those kind of cupcakes.

Inspired by a couple of conversations with a few co-workers — You would be surprised how often we talk about cupcakes — I got the idea to make some “Christmas Cupcakes”. I was actually going to save making them until Christmas came a little closer but after mentioning it the missus — who reacted with a “Now?” — I decided that I might as well make a first prototype batch now and then fine tune the recipe until Christmas.

These motherfucking cupcakes.

Now I’m sure you might be asking yourself the obvious “Why?” -question and whilst I wish I had a good answer I’m afraid the most truthful answer is that I really enjoy trying new things, whether it’s sculpting dolls or baking delicious cupcakes. That, and I get bored easily.

Thus, Caramel filled Gingerbread Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting were born.

Now the cupcakes might not be the prettiest in the world but they were really awesome — especially for being the first batch — and I’m not going to have to adjust the recipe all that much. Like a tiny mouthful of Christmas in your… ummm… mouth.

This week I’m going to try to make Cinnamon Crumble Apple Pie Cupcakes with Ice Cream Frosting. Which begs the question: At which point is it just not a cupcakes any more?

Then there’s Crysis 2.

Continuing on my “B-list” gaming I found myself at Crysis 2, Crytek’s “exciting” sequel to their boring and monotonous† Crysis which I only remember as the game that forced people to upgrade their PCs if they wanted to play it.

I put all my clever energy into the picture. Hence no funny text here.

Let’s put it this way. Unless Crytek’s target audience is a father in his late twenties who finds it more enjoyable to play Angry Birds with his 5-year old than to play the next-generation of ballistic showdowns… then I’m probably not it.

Despite not really looking forward to playing Crysis 2 I really wanted to like it. I honestly really wanted to. But I didn’t. From the annoying introduction video to the boring gun play I just didn’t like any of it. And don’t even get me started on those stupid aliens.

It’s a good thing for Crysis 2 that I don’t give out scores because if I did, it would get a F.

Copy writing courtesy of your truly.

Last Wednesday I bought a Nexus 7 16GB — the 2012 version — from Ebay and on Friday the little fucker tablet arrived.

My first impressions, aside for the “Oooh, it’s so shiny and tiny” — Spare me the “That’s what she said jokes — was that of surprise. I thought it was going to be — Fine, bring it on — bigger. It really is smaller than I imagined. As the days have passed I am noticing myself preferring the tablet when it comes to content consumption — which is pretty much what I expected — but I’m still hopeful that it might become my “go-to” device for content creation as well. In other words, I could go to a nearby coffee shop and enjoy a caffeinated beverage whilst I write and publish a post.

Other than that, what can I really say? The battery life seems decent enough on a device like this. I don’t have to it charge every night — unlike my phone — and that’s always a plus.

The biggest downside is obviously that Google still hasn’t gotten their shit together enough to make a unified, consistent user experience — unlike Apple — and because of this, any Android device I’ve ever seen suffers from what I like to call “The Anne Boleyn Syndrome”. Sure, you might be smarter but you’re also uglier which is why no one wants to shag you until they’re done with your sister. The sister in this metaphor being Apple and their various iDevices.

A quick look at the Wikipedia page and I count 231 Android devices and that’s just the smart phones.

Verdict? Google Nexus 7 gets a good hard 7" but needs to stop letting everything and everyone stick their poo-smeared genitals in their Anne Boleyn.


Did you know I’m going to release “A Rainy Night on Drury Lane” as a FREE eBook, including the never-before-seen addition of a Prologue and Epilogue that explores the events that came to define our characters.

Go to and sign up to get reminded when it’s released in 41 days.