Thursday, 19 December 2013

Carlos’ Countdown ‘Til Christmas (5)

5 days until Christmas. The countdown continues.

You know what I think you deserve after all those baking preparations you did yesterday?

Some limericks, that’s what.

Yeah, I know I know, you’re just lost for words from how blessed and special you feel in receiving this awesome gift. No, save your gratitude for later, I might need a kidney some day.

For those of you that don’t know what a limerick is, here’s a limerick that explains what a limerick is:

Writing a Limerick's absurd,
Line one and line five rhyme in word,
And just as you've reckoned
They rhyme with the second;
The fourth line must rhyme with the third.

Clever, right? Well, now that you know what I limerick is, let’s get right to a Christmas one so that this post will have a tangent with the overarching Christmas countdown.

When Rudolph got hurt in a fight
He couldn't lead Santa that night
Too much Christmas cheer
And eggnog, and beer,
His red nose was shiny, all right!

I’ve only written a limerick once before—back in school—and it wasn’t very good, I imagine since I can’t remember it, so bear with me as I try to summarize “The 12 days of Christmas” into a short limerick.

My true love to me gave
Birds that I first had to shave,
Pluck, stuff and bake.
Into one giant cake
That I then ate

Image courtesy of Zach Weiner and his wonderful

No post about limericks would be complete without the classic, “There once was a man from Nantucket”, so here’s the most offensive one I could find.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
And he said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
“If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it.”