Thursday, 6 December 2012

Fuck You, Pay Me!

Originally I was going to call this post "Fuck You, Pay Me!" in honour of Mike Monteiro but I decided against it and changed it to "Sit Down And Shut Up!" because I thought it might be too offensive. Then I changed my mind back and forth for a while, always wanting to revert back to my original idea but always feeling a bit hesitant, like a small child doing something they know is naughty. In the end, as you can see I decided on the more — possible — offensive way because… well… Fuck you. Pay me. That's why.

EDIT: Today, Finland has celebrated 95 years of independence. So, hurray for freedom and whatnot, before I start being all super serious. In honour of that, here's a contextual avatar to celebrate.

This post was brought to you by the letter F and the video F*ck You. Pay Me.

Now, let's get serious.

I'm talking about the Web Design industry and it's surprising eagerness to take it up the ass. Now this could — and probably does — apply to other aspects of Design as well as other types of industries but for the sake of this post I am not going to cover those industries. They can feel free to cover themselves or do like most seem to do and simply cover their ears whilst going "La, la, la, la…". Hoping somehow that the problem will go away because you pretend it isn't there. It is there, and it won't go away. Like a school yard bully it won't go away — or get bored — until you punch it in the face.

But let me frame it like this: Tell me, where can I go and buy groceries and then refuse to pay on the grounds that "I might not like it. I'm going to take it home first and see if I like it."? Only to come back after a month, refusing to pay anything because it didn't live up to the standards for milk I had created in my mind.

I'll have you know, I created those standards based on hearing a story from someone who once knew someone who had heard a farmer talk about what milk looks like when it comes from a cow. I also know a guy who drinks milk. Clearly I know what I'm talking about.

No, you don't. You don't have the slightest clue. But you know what? It's not your fault. You're an idiot for sure, but it's not your fault that you're an ignorant idiot. Someone should have told you these things the first time they met you. They should have sat you down, listened to your ideas, visions and desires. And then told you what you can and can't do, on the internet. What you should and shouldn't do, on the internet. Sure you might have put up a bit of a fight at first but like all people when met with a sense of decorum and respect — for simply not knowing something we take for granted — you would see reason and understand that "No, we're not disabling right click on your website"…

But someone might steal my pictures?!

Well, yes, someone might. But in all likelihood no one ever will. Most of your pictures were so bad — both in size and photographic quality — that I was hesitant to use them in the first place. I doubt anyone will see any value in them, except for your mom. And well… She loves you too. And not that there's really a need for a "secondly", but secondly: Websites like bigstockphoto, fotolia and istockphoto, sites who's revenue is based on actually selling pictures don't bother with disabling right click. They know better and hopefully — now — so do you.

And… well, should you still not see reason then we will simply part ways as unlikely friends and no harm done. You have become a little more educated — thus upgrading you into an educated idiot, which is still better than an ignorant one — and we have managed to avoid you as a client.

But let me state it again, just so we're clear. None of this is your fault. You didn't know any better, and no one bothered to tell you any better. In fact, you would be surprised by how many times no one ever has. Which means, unless we start changing of profession and taking responsibility for our inactions, you're never even going to know.

But you know what?

I'd love it if I got to tell you.